A shattered mind in a broken body fighting for survival

Monday, December 19, 2011

4 Shots



Ok, to be honest, the rest of the 4th shot was worse than the 1st. You'd think that I would be used to it by now, but...oh well. 4 shots in an hour and a half. And I can still spell. Well, mostly. My grammar is probably atrocious, and I apologize for that. But there's not much I can do about it now because this is definitely getting posted.

I spilled water on my desk tonight. I bumped my cup, full of water, and watched as it splashed over my bills. Oddly enough, I didn't care about my bills getting wet, but I did care that another piece of paper got wet. It's just a phone number, one that I put in my phone 2 weeks ago. So, it's not even important. However, I keep the paper around for sentimental purposes. And it got splashed by the water. But it's ok. The water has dried, and the paper is still intact.

So, interesting note: I think that 4 shots in less than 2 hours is more than enough to make my head spin. I'm going to have to call it a night and hope that I can wake up for work tomorrow because I'm very tired. Yeah, this will probably be more interesting for me to read tomorrow than for any of my readers. Yay!

Alcohol is a great painkiller.
~The Piebald Penguin

P.S. I'm not editing the last 3 posts, so they're probably silly...

3.5 Shots

Oddly enough, my Pandora radio station has played several ads for Smirnoff Vodka. But those ads are usually only for flavored vodka, which I think defeats the purpose. You drink it, and it makes your head spin. It's not supposed to taste good. It's effective. And it keeps you warm. I can save money on the electric bill by drinking more! That sounds like a good plan to me. Heck, I had to open the window to cool off my room...and it's cold outside. But I'm in a t-shirt and jeans.

Sometimes I ponder the complexities of life. Like, why couldn't I have grown up in a rich household that always has premium quality alcohol in stock? Random thought: I probably shouldn't "like" songs on Pandora while under the influence. Because I occasionally find a song that has been "liked" that I have no idea why it is such. Also, Christmas is a week from yesterday. I still haven't done any Christmas shopping. I think I'm going to fight the system this year and refuse to buy anyone presents. And I'll probably get disowned from my family! Woohoo!


Don't forget to shop!
~The Piebald Penguin

3 Shots

Dull senses and a numb mind characterize The Piebald Penguin. I suppose 3 shots of vodka in a row will do that to some people. I don't want to think anymore. I don't want to feel anymore. But let's be honest, even after 3 shots, vodka is still gross. Ordinarily I don't like a non-functional mind. Though tonight seems to be a good night for it. Perhaps the best part about drinking is being able to turn up the volume on your music with each successive shot. If only I had speakers and not headphones...


It's from France, but it does the trick.

~The Piebald Penguin

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Work Notes

A list of odds and ends:

1. Being a busser at a large chain restaurant means I'm invisible...until something goes wrong, and then it's the busser's fault.

2. Being a busser at a large chain restaurant means I can be lazy and slow, and it will look like I'm doing my job as well as I can.

3. Being a busser at a large chain restaurant means I only have a grade school level education (wouldn't that be interesting...)

4. Being a busser at a large chain restaurant means that I overhear conversations about everything imaginable. From nerds discussing achievements in video games to gossip about the mistakes that others have had.

5. Being a busser at a large chain restaurant means that I do a lot of work and receive very little credit (I'm like one of the elves who visit the cobbler's shop when he's sleeping. It may be a thankless job, but I am a vital cog in the machine)

6. Being a busser at a large chain restaurant means that I get to see a completely different version of servers. They pretend to be happy and nice to get tips, but most (not all) of them are dim-witted, fussy nincompoops, who have to be coddled. (Is this a jaded view? Yes. Are there good servers? Yes, but they are the minority)

7. Being a busser at a large chain restaurant means that I don't ever want to use linen napkins at another restaurant again...or the silverware....or even the table.



Yep, seven is a good number to end on.

Happy Tuesday!
~The Piebald Penguin

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Public Education (the end)

What follows is the second installment in the two part series about the future of public education. In the first part, I gave a link to a video presentation given by Sir Ken Robinson. Clicking here will allow you to watch that presentation on public education, in the event that you missed it the first time. In this second installment, I will be providing my readers with my own feedback about the presentation, as well as other miscellaneous ideas related to the topic.

First, I do agree with Sir Ken Robinson's view that the public education system is in need of serious reform. More specifically, we both agree that the current path of reforms are not taking our education system in the correct direction. Standardized tests, college entrance exams and the like are all geared towards evaluating the learning of our students in programs across the nation. However, this concept has become flawed over time (or perhaps was flawed since the beginning). The most obvious reason for this is that standardization in school tends to force students to conform to the system. Furthermore, a school is judged based on the average scores. The individual student is forgotten, becoming a percentile or a grade. Therefore, a successful school doesn't have to teach students; it merely needs to get them to pass the tests. Curriculum is developed with this specific goal in mind. It is, essentially, the school's attempt to cheat the system. Their students need not know where Denmark is, or even when World War I started, so long as they know enough to pass the incredibly low bar that is set by our standardization process. Though, some would argue that the standard has to be low so that everyone may pass (another way to say this is: "we don't want anyone to feel different from anyone else").

Second, the education system is flawed. Sir Robinson compared the system to a factory. And there's no denying the similarities between the two. Teachers intentionally pass students who have not learned the material because of this "assembly line" mentality. So long as the student falls within an "acceptable" margin of error, he (or she) should be rushed through school as fast as possible. But is this not an inherently flawed concept? I don't mean to suggest that every student should know the Fourier Series. What I mean is that the school again takes the focus off the student and places it on the class and the curriculum. So long as the curriculum has demonstrated the ability to roll students down the line, it should be used. Is not every human being unique? Do we not learn at different rates, in different manners, and at different ages? A common defense against this criticism is the terrible lack of teachers (those proficient in their craft and otherwise) and the constricting limits of space and time. Without teachers to teach, classrooms to sit in, and years of time, how can a student be expected to learn the material? True, these are problems. But these are just as much a problem created by the flaws in the education system as they are a problem of a lack of something. (An example: removing the constraint of a classroom would allow classes to be held anywhere.)

Ultimately, the public education system is ungainly and slow-moving, but it is a massive machine in motion. Such a large machine does not simply stop or change overnight. It requires a great deal of small changes to affect it, or else it requires a national epiphany (and that simply won't happen). The system is designed to make us feel like we accomplished something, while, at the same time, we are expected to feel as if one person is no different from another.

tl; dr - Public education is flawed, but it's not likely to change anytime soon.

~The Piebald Penguin

P.S. As an aside, I also think that teachers who suggest mood-altering drugs for children are using their authority in a gross violation of logical and ethical standards.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

The House on the Hill

There's a house on a hill, a hill of emerald blades of grass blown down from the wind. A house of stone and wood that has withstood the burden of time. The hill, a gentle swell in the earth, rolls down upon a lush meadow, full of flowers in full bloom. Reds, yellows, and blues cover the area like polka-dots on a dress. The field of color flows seamlessly into a forest of towering pine trees, imposing and foreboding. Yet, the gloom and darkness of the copse are broken by the calls of a blue jay. The flutter of wings and the chirps chicks bring life to the shadows. A crystal clear, blue-green stream, full to the brim with all manner of fish, drifts lazily around the meadow and hill and wonders towards the horizon.


Someday.
~The Piebald Penguin

Public Education (the beginning)

So, I'm really bad at updating my blog now. It's December 7th, which means I have 24 days to write 40+ posts (ok, I think it's 42...but I don't actually remember. And yeah, I could check before posting this, but where's the fun in that?)

I do realize that I probably won't get to that magic 150 prior to the end of the year. Still, I must press on. I was shown a video recently by a friend. The video was of interest due to its focus on the current problems in the education systems of countries like the US. More specifically, the lecture was critical of public education and how it has negatively affected our society. Before I continue, it might be helpful if you watch the video by clicking here. The video is nearly 12 minutes long, but it is full of content, so it tends to fly by.

Ok, if you watched the video, then you've probably begun forming an opinion about the topic. I want to give myself time to process my response more fully, and I plan on devoting an entire blog post to it tomorrow. But I want to give you, as readers, the opportunity to form opinions without my own personal views interfering. However, I will say that I find myself in agreement with Sir Robinson.

Winter is Coming!
~The Piebald Penguin


Saturday, November 26, 2011

Happy THanksgiving

Turkey day and black Friday are very over, but that just means that we have a whole year to starve ourselves and pay off all the credit card debts before next year. It's a very American holiday. We work hard day after day, and then we celebrate all our hard work with 2 days of excess.


"Turkey Day"?

In other news, I was the victim of a negative stereotype today! So, cross that one off the list. I thought that being a white male would protect me from such travesties, but apparently not. I upset the delicate constitution of one of the servers at the restaurant. He started shooting off incoherent phrases and words in an attempt to make himself feel superior. And then he criticized bussers for only having grade school educations and not being able to get better jobs. Surprisingly enough, I did manage to restrain my tongue from lashing out. I understand that it's unusual for a busser at a chain restaurant to have a bachelor's degree. Of the 8 bussers employed by the restaurant, I am the only such busser. Few enough of the servers have degrees, so why would the bussers? But that's ok, his ignorance amused me, so I merely smiled at him in response. He was upset because he wasn't doing his job, and he got in trouble for it. Actions have consequences.

~The Piebald Penguin

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Punctuation Is For Noobs 44

Today we are going to have an entire post without punctuation marks it is probably going to get pretty hairy but I am convinced that it is entirely doable so here is some news that might make some of you laugh I frequently check the stats for my blog to see who is reading what and all those fun sorts of things and I discovered that someone had stumbled across my blog by searching for the keywords picture of a lame person obviously there is a reason that my blog came up when someone searched for those words although it makes me wonder does google think that I am lame are they out to get me did they believe that I needed some detractors am I getting popular enough to justify this kind of a hate crime can I sue google for said slight all these questions and more popped into my head alas we shall never know the answers to many of them however I would like to say that even if you think I am the modern paradigm of a lame person then you are still welcome to read my blog because judgment goes both ways so there watch out
Judged


















The Piebald Penguin

Monday, November 21, 2011

45

My roommate challenged me to get my published blog posts to 150 by the end of the year. There are 40 days left in the year (34 to Christmas! plus 6), and I only have 104 published posts, not including this one. It shouldn't take a mathematician to note that should I attempt this great feat, I will need to post more than once per day. (40 days, 46 posts)

Basically, expect a lot of posts about absolutely nothing. Fortunately, I'm very good at spouting oddities and random tidbits of information. For example, did you know that 150 years ago the United States of America was on the verge of collapse? In our posh and pleasant lives today, we have trouble understanding what it must have been like to live in a world torn asunder by war on the home front. Keep that in mind as you prepare for Thanksgiving.



~The Piebald Penguin

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Doing Sum Mathammattiks

Readers!

You get a very special treat today!

The Piebald Penguin (TPP) is going to teach you a math formula that is crooshal to understanding his lyphe.

So heere we go!! (Vroom Vroom!)

Weather + Number of hours worked during the day + (amount of sugar * amount of caffeine) / (number of hours slept the previous night) = Level of sanity

Weather { 0 = Sunny, hot, warm, tepid, muggy, humid, partly cloudy, scorching hot, really hot,etc...
             { 1 = Rain, sleet, fog, mist, sprinkling, wet (but not humid), cloudy, overcast, solar eclipse
             { 2 = Snow, blizzards, hurricanes, tornadoes, volcanoes, nucular winters, etc...

If level of sanity > 4, TPP = ADD + Random

Today, the equation looks something like this:

2 + 7 + (A decent amount * probably too much) / (3.5) = Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Can you tell????

My mommy always sayed I wuz speshal.

Note: This math formulae has been clinically tested on rats of size < 1 pretzal. Human testing hasn't not shown conclusive results.

~The PiebALD PenGuin

P.S. The double negative was unintentional....but it was too amusing to change.

P.P.S.There weren't any blizzards, hurricanes, tornadoes, volcanoes, or nuclear winters...but there was snow. :)

Friday, November 18, 2011

Poemz

I dreamed I was a man,
clad in iron chain;

A sword danced above
with rays of sun and moon.

Hands gripped metal,
and metal trod earth.

Yet I was nothing,
but a boy in bed.


~The Piebald Penguin

Friday, November 11, 2011

If You're Crazy and You Know It

While browsing for new books in a popular bookstore, I discovered a little hidden gem amongst the shelves. This gem is the section called "Paranormal Teen Romance". Yep, that's right. It's so popular it has its own section now. But here's my question: Does this imply that teen romance is or has ever been "normal"? Maybe I'm over-analyzing this, but I really can't recall knowing what "normal" romance was until I got out of my teens. Not that matters of the heart can ever be classified as normal, but at least they are more normal than teens making a go at romance. Anyways, the section is full of a certain popular vampire-human-werewolf love triangle series (among other works of undoubtedly equal literary quality).

In other news, today is 11/11/11. Which I suppose is significant. Mostly because its Veterans' Day, but I suppose some people think that today is special in some way. It amuses me to no end how we learn about the superstitions of our ancestors and dub them as fanciful or ignorant folk. Yet, after checking my Facebook newsfeed, I simply must ask the tough question: Are we so different from humans in ages past?


The World Is ENDING! Oh, wait...wrong date...


~The Piebald Penguin

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Donkeys!

It is said that there are bosses and then there managers. Or something like that. That's what this post is about tonight. Managers and bosses.

They think they're so special...just because they make lots of money and get to boss people around....but I'm not jealous, nooo


So let's start with a funny story. Day 1: Orientation. It consists of watching lame videos about the workplace and signing forms that say the company owns you until they decide to fire you. It's a lame day, but you get paid to sit there so...sign me up! Anyways, so orientation had been going on for a couple hours at the point that this story takes place. So, I was bored, a bit tired (from all the hard work...lol), and stir crazy. We were covering the employee handbook when the manager finally got to the spot in the manual where it talks about blogging about the workplace. Being the overachiever that I am, I had already glanced at the contents of the manual and read this particular rule, so it had set my mind thinking. Basically the rule states that employees of this particular establishment can get fired for posting negative things on the interwebs about the company or its employees. Ok, but it seemed like they were implying that we just couldn't explicitly say negative things. But I have an anonymous blog, in which I pour out the frustrations and joys of life. Thus, when the manager brought up this rule, I asked, in all innocence and under the assumption that orientation is a time for asking questions and being free from judgment, if this rule covered anonymous blog posts. Obviously I didn't want to get fired if I posted something on my anonymous blog that could have been construed as negative by another individual. I'm a careful person. My manager just stared at me with a look of incredulity and one of the other new employees blurted out, "What kind of a question is that?!?"

Folks, look. This is the problem with people today. They open the floor for questions, and then they judge you based on which questions you ask. The girl who couldn't keep her mouth shut asked, later on, if she was allowed to wear her hair in a side ponytail as opposed to a normal one. That's a stupid question. But the manager answered her and didn't look down on her. I ask a question because I want to clarify, what I thought to be, a murky rule, and I got looked down upon, as if anonymous blogging was something obscene. Seriously. Well, guess what? I'm going to keep it anonymous, but I'm going to vent on my blog. FREEEEEEEEEDDDOOOMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (of speech) lol

~TPP
P.S. Don't tell my boss...

Monday, October 17, 2011

College, Caffeine, and Cwork

Cwork (pronounced "Ka-work"...not "Quirk" or "See-Work")

I had to add a "C" to work so that my title would alliterate well, but I assure you, Cwork is just as fun as real work. A coworker had a wedding on Saturday, so a lot of the employees who had been there for a number of years sent in time-off requests. As a result, The Piebald Penguin had the privilege of working his first double shift at this job. 10 am - 10 pm. It was a long day with very few breaks, and I was exceptionally tired at the end. Still, you won't here me complain about it because I made a decent amount of money.

Caffeine

The main focus of this post will be on the legal drug known as caffeine. A stimulant that affects the central nervous system, caffeine increases a person's alertness and helps fight many of the common side effects caused by sleep deprivation. According to Wikipedia, roughly 90% of Americans consume caffeine, in one form or another, daily. We are a culture built around pushing ourselves to the limits. Some societies have developed other ways to combat fatigue, such as the mid-afternoon siestas in Spain, but citizens of the United States of America could never settle for such a slow lifestyle. I bring up caffeine because that is certainly how I had the strength to get through 12 hours of non-stop action at work. I don't have the luxury of sitting in a chair at work, nor do we even get a lunch break to stop and breathe. Once I clock in, it's go, go, go until the end. Still, my job is not mentally taxing, giving me plenty of time to ponder the great mysteries of life. The one that I mulled over in my mind that night was one that I think about on occasion...

College

That mystery has been with me since college. It's this: what is the purpose of college? See, for me, college played a vital role in my life, but not because I got a piece of paper at the end of 4 years saying that I can add, subtract, integrate and confound lesser men with my skills in logic. Rather, college forced me to develop a keen sense of what my body can and cannot do. It's a well-documented fact that the human body has limits. In college, I witness a good number of people who pushed those limits every single day. And you could tell by simply gazing at their worn, haggard faces and their slumped shoulders. You could tell that each step was a nightmare, each second passed even more painstakingly than the last. Then, there were others who shied away from pushing their bodies at all. They would complain that 10pm was their strict bedtime. A slight disruption in their eating schedule made them cranky and unbearable.

The former person obviously lives an unhealthy lifestyle due to the consistent strain he places on his body. Eventually this person will actually cause permanent damage to his body and that is not desirable in any given situation. The latter individual also lives an unhealthy lifestyle. Simply put, in the likely event that this person is subjected to any amount of physical or emotional strain, said person's body will be not be prepared to handle the stress of the situation. This could easily lead to the person shutting down in the midst of a crisis, or simply being unable to focus during a test following a late night of studying.

Thus, college is an important time in anyone's life. It should teach him how to handle stress. How to push his body to the limits, but also how to rest, relax, and let the worries of the world fall harmlessly at his feet. For me, I found a place of balance. I learned what my normal limits were, and I learned what I could do with stimulants, such as caffeine and sugar. I also learned how much rest I needed after pushing my body passed the norm, and I sincerely believe that this was one of the greatest lessons that I learned in college. Because this lesson is one that I can apply to the rest of my life.

I bet this guy regretted not having that cup of coffee...


As the seasons change, life changes too. Sit back, relax, and enjoy.  = )
~TPP

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Things That Don't Go Well Together

1. Calculus and Spelling

This is from a test revision sheet typed up by a math professor

2. Algebra and English

Luann - Greg Evans, 25 September 2011

3. Sippy Cups and a Disney Princess's Waistline

Seriously?!?
4. The Piebald Penguin and Lots of Alcohol

                                                                                Sorry, no pictures...

Stay Cool, Stay Fresh, and Most Importantly, Don't Forget to Capitalize.
~The Piebald Penguin

Sunday, September 25, 2011

This Post Needs a Title

Awesome.



The Piebald Penguin has been very very busy...ok maybe I should add another very in there. I got a job, finally. But I think that's old news. Still, after two weeks on the job, I can say with confidence that I am enjoying it. It's tiring and soreness-inducing, but other than that, I actually like it. Which is weird because you would think that I wouldn't like it, being that it's one of those jobs that you would think would be hated by all. I'm a busser at a popular restaurant. I won't say which one. And yes, I enjoy it. I have fun knowing that I help my restaurant make money. I've always been a behind-the-scenes kind of guy. It brings me pleasure to know that I keep things running and no one even notices me...at least, none of the customers notice me. I know I'm invisible to them. It works out better that way. The servers are all getting to know me though. They say nice things to me and nice things about me to the managers. Apparently it's unusual for someone of my...skin color...to be a good busser. That makes me laugh. I do love breaking stereotypes. :)

It's "fast paced" but that just gives me more energy. I probably end up walking several miles each night, but again, it's a thrill. It's a pleasant change from the quiet order of a library. Controlled chaos. Pure bliss. I'm constantly amazed how well the system works. Everything just runs. People do their jobs, tables get cleaned, customers get seated, get their drinks, get their food, get gone (sorry, I couldn't resist) and then the tables get cleaned again. The cogs fit together seamlessly. You'd think that with 20 people going every which way at any given minute there would be more accidents and craziness. But that's where you'd be wrong. So, yeah. I enjoy it. Maybe I'll become a server someday, but maybe not.

Also, I had a nice little chat with one of the pretty waitresses at my restaurant today (Seriously, they're all attractive...sometimes I think I've died and gone to heaven...) Anyways....it wasn't anything game changing, but it did make me a little happier inside. Yep. That's my post for the week. Sorry, I haven't been able to blog more. I'm still getting used to the hours. Hopefully I'll be able to find more time.

~The Piebald Penguin

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Desperate Gambit

Here's a sneak peek from my from novel. Note, it hasn't really been edited yet because I haven't had the time. So, there are probably some grammar errors and what not (don't hold it against me, I've been busy!)




“Evie! We need to go. Now!” Layne spun and dropped to one knee, narrowly avoiding the thick shaft of wood that swooshed over his head. He rolled to the side, dodging the man’s backswing. Layne shouted in frustration and anger as his dagger flashed momentarily before it disappeared into the other man’s thigh. A man’s scream of pain and the clatter of a dropped weapon joined the cacophony of battle. Layne pulled the slender blade from the man’s collapsing body and turned back towards Evie. “Evie, now can we go? We need to get out of here before more guards show up.”

Evelyn stopped rummaging through the oak chest and glanced around the room. She did a quick count in her head. “Thirteen. A bit few, huh? And here I thought you were enjoying the opportunity to play the ‘knight-in-shining-armor role and killing everyone for me.” Layne flinched and took a step back. He cast his eyes on the ground before replying meekly, “You know I can’t control it. Ah, so much blood. What have I done? What have I become?”
“Layne, calm down, I was only teasing. Thanking for coming back for me. But I really need to find that book. I saw Drogan throw it in here the last time he had me brought up here…” Evelyn turned back to Drogan’s storage chest.

Layne was in the process of voicing his opinion of her when the scuff of a boot and the twang of a bowstring announced the presence of another. Layne’s head snapped around as time slowed to a stop. Adrenaline, powered by the blood of the Wardens, enhanced his perception of the situation. He could see beads of sweat hanging from the guard’s furrowed brow. Dust particles were flying in all directions away from the released bowstring and the arrow seemed to be driving a wedge between air molecules. As he prepared to jump out of the way, Layne calculated the trajectory of the air. Something was terribly wrong. It was the set in the man’s gaze. Hatred, yes, but also familiarity. And then Layne understood his mistake.

The bowman was not aiming at him. The arrow was streaking straight towards Evie’s unprotected back. There was not time for thought. Layne’s legs acted out of instinct, hurtling his body towards his oblivious companion.

Time slammed back into normalcy in an explosion of sound, chaos, and pain. Layne’s lanky form smashed into Evie just as she exclaimed, “I found it, La- ooff!” Evie was flung across the room, a bewildered expression on her face and a small, leather-bound book clutched tightly in her hand. Pain lanced through Layne’s body, as the deadly arrowhead dug into the muscle of his shoulder. Layne pivoted and sprinted towards the doorway and the guard beyond. Anger fueled the adrenaline-induced frenzy. With inhuman speed and grace, Layne leapt over the inert bodies of the slain guards and landed mere inches from Evie’s would-be murderer. Not even bothering to reach for the gleaming blade at his side, Layne struck the guard in the chest with his open palm. A loud crack accompanied the strike, as the man’s sternum cracked and crushed the soft, vital organs beneath it. The guard, like a puppet whose strings had been cut, crumpled to the ground. Lifeless eyes stared back at Layne.

Layne’s eyes flicked up at the sound of heavy, booted footfalls on stone. He stepped back from the corpse at his feet and rested his hands on the hilt of his sword as yet another guard come around the corner. Layne found the moment to be, oddly, surreal. The guard raised his voice and his weapon and charged down the narrow corridor. Layne’s slow, steady heartbeats measured time like a drum on a parade ground. He filled his lungs with air that was pregnant with the stench of death. The guard’s boots pounded the floor in rhythm with the beat of his heart. Layne blocked out all sound and closed his eyes. He heart sent firm vibrations throughout his body. He focused on the ripples of motion that were emanating from his advancing adversary. The time was finally right.

His eyes snapped open, his hands ripped the Harbinger from its jewel-encrusted sheath. In one fluid motion, Layne, a silent guardian, lifted the silvery blade into the air and swung it down across the man’s exposed neck. Metal cut flesh and bone with equal ease as the blade descended in its deadly arc. The man’s head, freed from its bonds, sailed into the wall and fell to the cold stone with a wet thud. Blood from the headless neck drenched Layne’s face, before the body teetered to the ground. Silence engulfed Layne. Pain overwhelmed him. The battle fury fled from his body, like a rat fleeing a sinking ship.

Tell me what you think!
All rights reserved. You are not allowed to reproduce this in any form without my direct consent. 

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Memoirs of an Insmoniac: 5

Toleration and the United States of America:

There is a common train of thought throughout the world that the United States of America is full of ignorant, intolerant individuals that know nothing of the world. Before The Piebald Penguin went to college, he was only familiar with the concept that outsiders thought poorly of Americans. But once he got to college, he encountered a number of foreign born students who actually thought that Americans were ignorant of culture, religion, and the world. While I won't deny that Americans are woefully ignorant of concepts such as geography and culture, I came to realize that it's ridiculously close-minded to think that Americans are the only people group that are ignorant. Hate me all you want, but at least look at the proof that I provide.

1. Americans are ignorant, but we are not ignorant to the point of developing a national hatred against another people group. Yes, we tend to joke about how cowardly the French are, but we have put aside our differences and forged a military, political, and economic alliance with France. Then you consider that we should "hate" the United Kingdom because they "oppressed" us. But our "oppressors" have become one of our longest, and strongest allies. How about Germany? They dragged us into two World Wars, causing the deaths of thousands of young American men. Do we hold a grudge against them? No, in fact just a few years after Hitler surrendered, it was deemed politically sound to put everything on the line for the starving residents of Berlin (Berlin Airlift). That kind of political turn around is rare. Also, if you compare the United States to other nation-states, you can clearly see that this kind of behavior is rare. The Arabs and Israelis have hated each other since Isaac, the son of Abraham was born. Ishmael was cast out and that event started the enmity between the two peoples.

2. Americans are ignorant of other nations and their cultures, but those nations are just as ignorant of American culture. In fact, they are so ignorant that many children, raised in foreign nations are led to believe that the USA has no culture. That train of thought is the epitome of ignorance. True, American culture is incredibly diverse, but that is easily explained by reading a historical record of the nation's formation. America has been described as a "melting pot" due to the diversity of its populace. But that is an ignorant belief. America is not a "melting pot" anymore than any other nation. The people who live here are American. We allow each other to believe what they want and to live how they'd like. Rebellions have thrown the nation into chaos, riots have changed policies, and men and women of great vision have shaped this country into what it is. As a result, the people who come to America don't have to worry about being something else. They can just be American. What other nation can claim to draw its strength from its diversity?

3. American media is not a proper representation of Americans in general. It's easy to misunderstand that. We share movies, music, and fashion (to some extent) with a plethora (seriously who doesn't love the word plethora? It's so much fun to say. I dare you to sit there and say it aloud and not smile. Double dog dare. Plethora, plethora, plethora, plethora...oh, yeah I was blogging...) of other nations. They see our movies and listen to our music and think that we are a nation of sex-crazed barbarians who love violence. But it's ignorant to not look beyond the superficial media of this nation.

And that's all folks. My conclusion is that Americans are ignorant, yes. But the nations of the world are equally ignorant. Humans like to live in bubbles. That's how we work.

Get Fuzzy by Darby Conly - September 10, 2011
~The Piebald Penguin

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Working While Wishing Women Wouldn't War With Willpower

Today is a rather significant day. First, it's the 10 year anniversary of the "terrorist" attacks that destroyed thousands of lives and brought down two monuments to American consumerism. I put "terrorist" in quotes because I think it's a conspiracy by former President Bush to justify his bellicose and aggressive nature. Clearly the "terrorists" were innocent political prisoners who could have shed light on Bush's evil agenda...

Seriously, how can people be so angry with life that they can spout such lies and slander? I know that the last two sentences of the previous paragraph were difficult to write for me. For those of you who are even now forming ugly thoughts of me in your minds, let me put your fears to rest. I don't believe that the 9/11 attacks were a conspiracy. They were committed by men of a foreign nation with the intent to cause harm to our civilian infrastructure. And yet, I did intentionally mean to place quotes around "terrorist". This term has been coined by politicians to refer to men they don't understand.

Honestly, it's just silly. A man blows himself up, killing hundreds of people, and he is branded as a terrorist. A soldier shoots a civilian in a war zone, and he is labelled a murderer by our press and thought of as a monster. That's simply not logical. We have invented a term to appease our collective conscience. "Oh, that man was a terrorist. He didn't know better."

To quote a somewhat well-known American, "War is cruelty. There is no use trying to reform it. The crueler it is, the sooner it will be over." ~ William T. Sherman

Now you think I just look for cool quotes to justify my point of view, and yes, I admit that I know where to look. But that doesn't make it less true. War is a disgusting practice. Humans kill other humans. It's all about terror and confusion. Every soldier who fights in combat is a "terrorist". His goal is to strike fear in the heart of his opponent so that he can win. 

Yet, we brand a specific style of war as "terrorism". We compartmentalize it. Throw it in a box and get it far away from me. "Those men from that one country far, far away, are like that." We attempt to forget that humans are not good. Why do we do this? Because it interferes with the majority's concept of a "good life". We want everyone to get along and live their lives in peace. But peace isn't an option. Humans are not good. Humans are irrational, emotional, aggressive, vindictive, manipulative, and selfish (not to mention ignorant). 

Violence erupts between two human beings far more often than it erupts between two nations, but we choose to view our leaders as war-like and spiteful. Some are. But there are a number of men and women who are trying to protect the interests of their constituents (formerly subjects, when kings and queens ruled the earth). 

I guess this is a long-winded way of saying, violence is all around us. Terrorism is all around us. We can't just sit back and pretend it doesn't exist. So long as there are two men and a single woman on this planet, violence will be a part of life. 

This post is already quite lengthy, so I will stop here. But perhaps at a later date I will talk about my views on the "War on Terror". 

Oh and the second reason today is important: This is the last day that I am unemployed. Tomorrow will mark the first day in my life that I will be employed by a company, while not actively attending an academic institution. So, yeah. Big day.

~The Piebald Penguin 

Friday, September 2, 2011

Memoirs of an Insomniac: 4

Tonight The Piebald Penguin was very tired before the bells struck twice. This may sound amazing, but I think it has more to do with me feeling under the weather. I'm not sure what's wrong. What I do know is that I've been really spacy the whole evening to the point of feeling like I had drank a little too much alcohol. Sadly, there is no alcohol to be found in this apartment at the moment, so I can definitely rule out that possibility for my ailments.

In other news, I watched James Bond: Goldeneye a couple nights ago. It was epic. If you haven't seen it, then you need to because it is one hilarious scene after another. My favorite was when Bond got in the Russian main battle tank (or MBT, a common designation for any modern, general-purpose tank. I use this description because I am not nearly as familiar with Russian tanks as I am with American ones. If I had to venture a guess, I'd say that the tank in question was a T-72). After appropriating the tank, Bond raced after a 4-door sedan. During this awesome pursuit, Bond performed several "power slides" with this tracked (i.e. it has tracks, not wheels) vehicle. He burned rubber around several corners in an attempt to catch up with the car. Of course, we all know that the tank really would have been left in the dust. Even modern American tanks top out around 50 mph. The T-72 is listed as having a top speed of 60 km/h. I think most cars can go faster than that. But still...the movie was highly entertaining. Just don't take it too seriously. It's like any Bond movie. Lots of explosions and action. Awesome. Smiley.

~The Piebald Penguin

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Memoirs of an Insomniac: 3

The night is peaceful and quiet. Lights are dimmed, houses are silent, and children have gone to bed long ago. The Piebald Penguin (the hero of this grand tale) is up doing whatever he does when the world rests. And then, in a sudden blast of chaos and noise, a lone car raises its voice in alarm, carried by the four winds. Sadly, a car alarm at 2:24am is less than poetic. Especially when it goes on for a minute, gets turned off, then starts again. Oh, and this is the second night in a row that this car alarm has decided to vent its rage (it must be a female car). Fortunately for The Piebald Penguin, he isn't asleep during that hour.

In other news, I've been submitting a lot of online applications as of late. Which isn't news, but tonight, I encountered part of an application that I just had to share...
Ok, so let's discuss. You are either male, female, or Canadian. Yep. Enough said.

Also, there's a consistent question that the online applications ask during their questionnaire part. It goes like this:
"There are a lot of things in my life that I would do differently."

You usually get 4 choices: "Strongly disagree", "slightly disagree", "slightly agree", and "strongly agree".

The answer they are looking for is "Strongly disagree". Obviously. So I choose that option....but what if I had kissed that girl at graduation? I would definitely do that differently. Oh well. I figure the employers don't need to know about that.



~The Piebald Penguin

P.S. My friends and I played a Starcraft 2 game with none other than HuskyStarcraft himself. Granted he left after 10 seconds of gameplay, but it was EPIC. Yep.
P.P.S. For the non-nerds/"normal" people, playing a computer game with Husky is like playing a football game with Troy Aikman...or basketball with Charles Barkley...or baseball with...oh wait...no sane person with a decent IQ plays baseball...

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Memoirs of an Insomniac: 2

Watching bread become toast in the oven is so entertaining. Also, toast and jam is the best late night combination ever. Except for Guinness and waffles. That one may actually be better...

~The Piebald Penguin


Sunday, August 28, 2011

Memoirs of an Insomniac

See what I did with the title there? It's almost like "Memoirs of a Geisha" ...

Except I'm not Japanese...or female...and I don't make any money. But it's almost the same thing!

Ok, not really. Although it does amuse me to analyze my own brain and the process that I go through to come up with stellar, awesome, total baller titles. Yep.

Anyways. Insomnia is no bueno (that's Spanish for good). However, last night I had a really enlightening thought while I was lying on my bed watching the clock tick away. That went something like this:

"Ugh. It sucks not being able to fall asleep. How can people just fall asleep on a whim? It's not fair. How do you fall asleep again? I think last night I might have been turned at such an angle, with such and such a feeling over my eyes, and... $&@! I give up. I'm just going to keep my eyes shut until something happens."

Usually when I'm having an especially difficult time drifting off, I try to remember how to "fall asleep". But that's part of the problem. Who remembers how to fall asleep? You kinda just close your eyes and pray that your body drifts away, right? I don't know. I've never been able to remember the exact moment that I experience a loss of consciousness. But back to my enlightening thought. I realized last night that I'm not "good" at falling asleep. Some people are. And they just do. But I'm really good at a lot of things. And I take those things for granted.

For example, the other day Goraxypox and I were chilling on the beach, when there was a little commotion behind us. We turned and saw a family with their eyes all fixed out to sea. Apparently a cruise ship and a ferry were getting "dangerously" close to running into each other. Of course, the ships were far off in the distance (isn't it amazing how the human eye can see for miles and miles?), so it only "appeared" to be a delicate situation. As I pointed out to my sidekick, the cruise ship was clearly way farther away than the ferry. I knew this because the cruise ship was obscured by the distance (you know, it's mostly a silhouette on the water, but you can still make out the shape); the ferry, on the other hand, was as clear as day, meaning that it was closer to us. Being that the ferry wasn't too terribly long, the conclusion must be that the ships are not really close to each other. Goraxypox was quick to point out that, to him, both ships were blurry and obscured due to the distance. He's a near-sighted nerd who broke his far-sighted glasses and hasn't replaced them. So he can't see as well as me.

My vision is just one of those things that I've taken for granted. People talk about how they can't even distinguish faces up close without corrective lenses and the like. But I've never experienced that. So, maybe it's just as frustrating for them to not be able to see, as it is for me to not be able to sleep. Fortunately, last night was relatively peaceful. I managed to fall asleep just before 5am, and I didn't wake up until 9:30! Woots!
I'm jealous...of the sleep, not the man...

~The Piebald Penguin

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

C'est La Vie

Two months on my own and in a brand new place. It's weird being an adult. Making decisions and taking risks with real consequences. Before reaching a more enlightened level of maturity, I wished to go back to the simplicity of childhood. But now I realize that I can't even contemplate returning to my former self. If I was given a time machine, I would use it as an extra chair in the event that guests arrived and needed a place to sit. For that is the best use I could find for such a thing. I have come to understand that the present is for living and not for wishing to be somewhere (or someone) else.


~The Piebald Penguin

Dancing the Night Away to the Sound of my Fingers Keeping Time

My roommate and sidekick, Goraxypox, was complaining today. Not that that's abnormal by any means, but today his specific complaint was that I hadn't blogged in a while. So I decided to present to my readers a night of epic posting. Hopefully you all saw my first post (if not, click here) because it's simply the most awesome post that you will ever read (side note: I am an entirely sarcastic being. Sadly, this trait has been known to get me in trouble with people who don't have a sense of humor...). As a brief aside from the intended topic of tonight's post, here is a random story about how my insolent nature has nearly brought grief to my life...

The year was 2003, and the season was spring. I was in 8th grade and ready to take on the world (smart, sexy, and incredibly gifted in...the classroom). Being the gifted youngster that I was, I found school to be unremarkable and boring. My mother and I decided that the reason for this was that the work load was simply too easy for my powerful brain. So, lacking a challenging environment, my mind amused itself by other means. It enjoyed the hourly daydream, as well as staring off into space. By 9th grade, I discovered that I could read a book in class and still answer every single question asked by the teacher. However, this is 8th grade we are reminiscing about, so I was still trying to develop my slacking off skills. Thus, I found myself in Spanish class drumming an idle beat with my fingers bouncing off the desk in front of me (this sentence wins the awesome award). Now, let me add that our class was not doing anything at the time. The teacher was sitting behind her desk working, and we were supposed to be working on in class busywork (hooray for excellent lesson plans!). The teacher, hearing my melodious song, looked up from her desk and said, "This isn't band class, Piebald." Ok, first let me say that this is the wrong thing to say to someone such as myself. It opens way too many doors. And it's dripping in obvious sarcasm, right? So I chose to play along. My answer was as simply put as her statement.
 "So?" I replied. Honestly, what else was I to say? She wasn't teaching, and I found her busywork below even the minimalist tendencies of normal junior high assignments. Plus, she was being honest, so I wanted to be honest too. She asked me to repeat what I said. Unfortunately, I was so proud of myself for sticking it to the man (I mean, woman) that I didn't come up with something to cover my blatantly rebellious answer with (like "I said 'Oh.'"). Then, horror of horrors, one of the less intelligent females in my class (I'm even being nice) chimed in with, "He said 'so.'" Great. My teacher gave me a detention for talking back to her. I was almost embarrassed. It was my first detention. (In an ironic twist of fate, the teacher responsible for giving me my first detention "went crazy" less than a week later, resulting in her immediate resignation from her teaching position. Being that I am a well-connected individual, I promptly visited the Dean of Students and requested that he allow me to not serve my detention, due to the nature of the situation. He agreed and told me to watch what I say around teachers. Thus, I can say with pride that I never had to serve a detention in my entire junior high or high school career.) Moral of the story: Always have a backup plan when rebellion gets you into trouble.


This is so true.

But wait! That was just a random story. Now, onward to the topic of the evening...errr...morning (it's almost 3). I'll make this short, as this post has already consumed a lot of cyberspace. The topic in question is the quality of being "Random". People often label things they don't understand as "random occurrences" or "freak accidents". This bugs me for one overarching reason. The universe, in which we live, doesn't do random. It just doesn't. There is always a reason, always a process behind the event. I believe it is a great failing of humanity to simply write something off as blind luck. Humans throughout the ages have relied on this defense for being lazy and not pursuing knowledge. A quarter of Europe's population is killed during the years of the "Black Death", and the event is written off as an act of God. An individual wins the lottery, and we call it dumb luck. These things all happen for a reason. Picking a playing card from an opponent's hand can never be a "random choice". Even my previous blog post titled "random" is not random. My desire is to impart in others the same longing for knowledge that burns inside me. If I could be remembered on this planet for one thing, I believe that would be the one thing.

~The Piebald Penguin

Random

You may read this and assume that this post is, but I promise you it's not.



Thursday, August 18, 2011

Things I've Learned About Being A Roommate

1. Having my own room is nice. (The last 4 years I've shared a room with one guy or another)

2. Knowing your roommate before moving in with him is a big plus.

3. I've tried to teach my roommate to be a winner, but he continues to lose at his computer games...I guess awesomeness doesn't rub off...

4. It's easier to talk via "Ventrilo" (a computer voice-chat program) than simply shouting. So, while both our doors are wide open, we communicate by talking to each other through our computers.

5. Lacking a television, opening the blinds and people-watching has become one of my pastimes, especially during dinner.

6. Lacking a table, the couch has become the place to eat meals. We turned it towards the windows so we could sit, eat, and watch people all at the same time. Multitasking for the win.

~The Piebald Penguin

Monday, August 15, 2011

I Had A Dream...

I had a dream last night that was nearly a nightmare. You see, in the dream, I had arrived back on campus for my last semester of college. Yet, I could sense that there was something wrong with that picture. I found myself in the cafeteria, wandering about and letting people cut me in line. Then, I remembered that I would need a job to pay for all my expenses. So, I tried talking to the cafeteria ladies about hiring me. They weren't helpful.

The realization that I had moved down to college with nothing, save for the clothes on my back, and had no place to stay came next. I made my way to the library, where I used to work, hoping that they would hire me. But they couldn't because I didn't have a work study award.

I was becoming increasingly worried about my semester when I discovered that I didn't even know which classes I needed to sign up for. I racked my brain trying to remember what I hadn't finished in the previous semester but to no avail.

I think that was the straw that broke the camel's back and woke me up. I was safely tucked away in my bed. But it took me several seconds before I remembered that I had, in fact, graduated this past semester. Perhaps my mind is trying to tell me that it misses college life. Alternately, I could just be slipping further and further down the crazy train.

The Piebald Penguin on day 1 of his college career
~The Piebald Penguin

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Hit the Deck!

Today we're hear to talk about childhood memories. You know, those things that you make when you're not old enough to drive. Or the ones that you make when you haven't figured out that the world is a cruel, heartless place. Ok, I'm not hear to get in a philosophical debate with you about the memories that may or may not have caused you irreparable damage and forever ruined your chances at a normal life. I have one memory that I want to share right now.

It starts with collecting the right materials. First, you need a ceiling fan. You see, where I grew up, every room had one of these. Next, you need these little small action figure dudes known as "Z-Bots". They were small plastic robots that could move their arms (manually), and that's about it. Then you need some normal, ordinary scotch tape. Nothing special, nothing much, just those three things. Of course, it helps if you have a bunk bed that allows you easy access to the ceiling fan.

Once you have the items, you crawl up on your bunk bed (the top bed), reach up to the fan and tape the Z-Bots to the tops of the fan blades (one for each blade). Then you want to climb down from the bed and look around for some cover (pillows or something). The fun begins when you turn the fan on high power and run for cover. Why do I say run for cover? Because when the fan hits its stride, the plastic toys fly from the fan blades, and it's anyone's guess as to where they're going.

It brings me a lot of joy to remember those days of shooting Z-Bots off our fan with my brother. :)

~The Piebald Penguin

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

A Math Laugh

Math Laugh almost rhymes. Of course, if you consider that almost means it doesn't rhyme, then "back gorilla" almost rhymes too...

Anyways, here's a comic strip for everyone to enjoy.

From XKCD by Bill Amend