What the tooth fairy?

I have a small mouth. Every dentist and orthodontist I've been too has made it a priority to let me know this. Apparently it affects the rate at which my baby teeth fall out. Essentially, my teeth took a lot longer to come out than a normal person's teeth (it probably didn't help that I was too stubborn to actually pull my own teeth. I knew they would come out when they good and ready.). Naturally, the dentist couldn't stand that my teeth were taking so long to fall out, so he continually encouraged my parents to have him pull them for me. As a result, I ended up having almost 20 baby teeth yanked before their time by the dentist (as a side note, I've also had several adult teeth extracted, not including my wisdom teeth which have been removed as well).

Now, all of that was a prologue to the real story. Because I'd like to tell you about the first tooth that I ever lost. It was not a natural loss. I was but a young lad of 7, when that first tooth did fly free from my mouth. I had known that it was loose, but, again, my mind had already decided that teeth came out on their own, so I didn't need to worry about it. It happened one evening as my family prepared to take an excursion to the grand retail store known only as...Walmart. As we were walking from the house to the car, my brother and I started a conversation about how much money we had in our wallets. I was excited to actually have cash. I boldly informed my brother that I was going to count my money once we arrived at the store. It was at this time that I noticed a gross insult to my boyhood! My shoe had come untied. Being the know-it-all child that I was, I quickly stooped to rectify the problem. Of course, it takes two hands to tie your shoe. I had previously pulled my pocketbook from my pocket to show my brother. Needing the hand that was holding my wallet, I placed the wallet firmly between my teeth, while I expertly tied my shoe. At this point, my brother approached me, telling me that if I counted my money in the store, someone would steal my wallet from me. To demonstrate what would happen to me, and not realizing that my wallet was, in fact, in my mouth, my brother closed his hand on my wallet and gave a sharp tug. I cried out in pain as, much to my dismay, my loose tooth decided to hitch a ride with my wallet.

Thus ends the tale of that infamous day.

~The Piebald Penguin

Story time!

The chill in the air seeped through their armour as they stood in silence. The damp fog obscured the surrounding plateau, making William feel very incredibly alone. A far away chirp, a sudden cough, the clink and creak of rusty armour. Yet silence prevailed. Then, as if the gates of heaven had opened, a solitary ray of sunlight burst through the fog bank, banishing the darkness and bringing warmth and comfort to the small company. It was then that an arrow came streaking out of the mist. The silence was broken as, with a thud, the arrow sank deep into Gwyn's neck. Her startled cry was cut short and replaced by frantic gasps for air. She crumpled to the grass, twitched once, and lay still. A vicious battlecry rose from above the fog as more arrows filled the pregnant air. Aeric screamed in rage as one found the meaty portion of his thigh. Several smacked into William's armour but did not penetrate the protective shell. A bemused calm settled over him as he watched Melody and Aerith rush to Aeric's side. Tosgar was crouched behind his shield, and there eagerly awaited the coming foe. At last, they could be seen breaking free from the darkness. The single ray of sunlight continued to illumine the battleground, and William found it to be, oddly, peaceful. With a mighty roar and a tranquil heart, William leapt into the fray, launching himself at his closest enemy. He lifted his enormous sword into the air and brought it singing down atop the man's head, messily cleaving the unfortunate man in two. In one fluid motion, William twisted and raised his weapon towards the sky. His second victim's sword shattered, as did his face when William's blade continued upward. With a sweeping turn, a third man found himself flying through the air, sans his legs which had been smoothly removed from the rest of his body. 

Blood surged through William's veins and pounded in his ears as he stepped forward and decapitated another assailant. And then, as if fate had finally frowned upon him, he found himself clutching at an arrow shaft as it pierced one of his lungs. With a sickening snap, he broke the shaft and discarded it on the ground, only to notice that his, previously alive, friends were all in varying states of dismemberment. None had fallen easily, but all had inevitably been overcome. 

Another arrow came and pierced his chest. He slumped to the cold earth, as his blood flowed freely from his wounds.

A masked man approached him.

William watched as the man raised his sword. The blade glistened in the sun like burnished gold.

William watched.

The deadly instrument descended towards him.

Have you met Emma Anne?

Dear Emma Anne, I apologize for taking so long to finally write a whole post dedicated to you. But here it is.

Emma Anne is one of the most amazing people on this planet. She's witty and wise, funny and comforting, a loving wife and a fantastic mother...she's also really short but she married a tall man, so it all works out. For the other two family members, I related a favorite memory or an ironic story. With Emma Anne, I have too many favorite memories to choose from. From elementary school through high school, she was my own personal nurse. She used to take care of me when I was sick. Then as I went away to college, she came out with me to make sure that I got all properly settled in. Then, during my breaks and trips home, I could always count on being able to stand in her kitchen and talk my head off about life, and have her listen and commiserate with me over the trials of life. She's one of the people who I know will always be there for me when life gets me down. She's not even that old yet, but I have associated her with wisdom for many years now. She's the kind of person that you regret not knowing. And the kind of person that you want to get to know. And she married Superman, who's also awesome. She's one of my two favorite sisters, and I love that I get to know her as such.

Emma Anne and Superman

Also, she has a good blog that you should all check out here.

~The Piebald Penguin

I can't can Kant in a cannon

Immanuel Kant is making my life miserable. Let me tell you why...

Before Immanuel Kant was born, the world was a nice place. There weren't any classes about Kantian ethics. There weren't any lectures in universities about the Categorical Imperative. No one had decided that they needed to shove bogus ethical systems down other people's throats (ok, so that last statement is false. Lots of people think they know the right way to live). But still. Before Kant was born, no one could say that his life was made more miserable by being forced to listen to things written by Kant (by the way, that's a true statement. Before Kant was born, humans probably didn't know that Kant would be born...well, up until about 9 months prior to his birth, but they still wouldn't have had any idea that years after his birth students would have to sit through 3 hours of lecture a week about the man just because they want to graduate...but I digress). Unfortunately, Immanuel Kant was born. Kant decided that he would write a book about a system of morality that was supposedly desirable. However, Kant's system of morality doesn't work in the real world. That seems to be a little tidbit that he left out of his book. So, his system of doing the morally "right" thing is based on an ideal where humans can be perfectly rational. The rational man will only be moved to action by his desire to do his duty (notice that it's rational man...even Kant recognized that "rational woman" is a contradiction...). Unfortunately for us men, even we are rarely purely rational. We like to think that we can make the rational choice on a regular basis, but our rational minds are kind of connected to our emotional minds (assuming you only have one brain, and therefore one mind). We make choices based on both reason and emotion. To wrap this up, I'd like to thank Kant for coming up with a completely irrational system of morality that is oddly appealing to some people. Sadly, it really doesn't affect my life much, which upsets me because my professor insists on spending week after week talking about Kant.

This was probably not a very fun post to read...so head on over to Emma Anne's blog for some light-hearted goodness.

Tune in tomorrow for an exciting, spontaneous short story. And if you would like to get in contact with me for any reason email me at breadcrumb124@gmail.com

~The Piebald Penguin

Some afternoon chuckles

Tuesdays are quiet days for me, so here are a couple comics from this last week that I found amusing.

Pearls Before Swine - by Stephan Pastis, March 7, 2011

Get Fuzzy - by Darby Conley, March 6, 2011

The Collapsing of the World

Our newspapers (and their online equivalents) are filled to the brim with stories about the unrest in the Middle East. Today's papers brought us the horrific news that the riots were spreading to Saudi Arabia. Libya has been under UN economic sanctions that are just started to hit home, with many major American oil companies supposedly cancelling their trade deals with that broken nation. If the riots in Saudi Arabia spread, we could witness a global shortage of oil (being that they are one of the largest oil producing nations in the world).

Oil problems aside, the Democrats from Wisconsin have finally agreed to end their childish ways and return to the state. This will allow the state legislature to pass a bill that will harm the unions. It made me incredibly frustrated that the people of Wisconsin would elect men (and women?) who think so little of democracy that they believe the world should revolve around their ways.

As this is the first Monday night current event (that will post as Tuesday...Awesome, right?), I think I'm going to end it now. I'm not really sure how long I want these to be, so it will have to be trial and error.

~The Piebald Penguin

Those Crazy Cousins Who Break Into Houses

My Monday evening current event will be posted later tonight, but first, I would like to share a rather amusing story.

The story begins on an exciting Christmas break vacation that my family took several years ago. We had been invited to spend Christmas with our cousins who lived near San Francisco. They had a gorgeous house in the mountains a little way from the city. Christmas day came and went and everyone had a lot of fun. There were laughs and children and presents all around and games (this was the first and only time that I played Settlers of Catan, for the record). My family's flight back home was scheduled a couple days after Christmas. However, there was a slight conflict in the scheduling in that my cousins were going to leave for a vacation the day before our flight. They graciously allowed us to spend the night in their house regardless. Unfortunately, we were going to have no way to get their house key back to them. So an elaborate scheme was concocted.

The concocted plan was a thing of beauty. Our flight was early in the morning, so we would get a few hours of sleep (with the exception of my brother who opted to just stay up the whole night). When our alarms went off at 3:30am we would awake and finish packing our belongings into our rental car. With the packing finished, we fished around our food stores and ate a very minimal breakfast (think granola bars and the like). A last once-over of the house, and it would be time for us to exit the house. Not wanting to take a key with us, I was volunteered as the one who would stay in the house to lock the front door. It was then that I was instructed to leave through the garage. The trick to this was that I had to push the button to close the garage door, then promptly get out, making sure to hop over the sensor at the end (without this final touch, the door would have rolled back up). A real life obstacle course. And it was awesome. I my performance was marvelous and flawless. The garage door closed with a reassuring thud. We assembled by the car and got in.
At this point it's still very early in the morning (like 4am), so it was still pitch black. We still had plenty of time to make it to the airport for our flight (my family is like that, they plan to be at the airport 2 hours in advance).

It wasn't until we were in the car that my mom realized that she didn't have the car key (to those of you unfamiliar with cars, keys are essential in most cars if you want to start the ignition, which allows the car to be driven). Now this is a serious problem. We are outside the house that is securely locked, but our car key is inside the house. Oh, and at this point in time none of us had cell phones...not even my mom. Winning plan, right? Yep. 4am, without keys, or phones...and with a deadline. So we did the only sensible thing. We knocked on the neighbor's door. Fortunately, the husband of that family was an early riser. Being that the neighbors did not have a spare key, we contacted a locksmith. The locksmith arrived a short time later. Of course, the locksmith wasn't about to just break into someone's house for us (really? That would have been awesome). So, we had Superman impersonate my cousin (they don't look alike, but what did the locksmith know?) and forge his signature. The locksmith got us in and left. We got the key, and I navigated through the obstacle course for the second time that morning. This time, we managed to actually leave. And we even made it to the airport. Unfortunately, we ended up having to fly standby.

The moral of the story is...if you ever need to get into a house, impersonate the owner and get a locksmith to pick the lock for you. It's almost legal...

~The Piebald Penguin

The Old Earth

A recent assignment that I was given was to read a certain blog post. The post in consideration was written by a pastor in an attempt to share his view of 6 day creation. Rather than taint the man's views with my own bias, I will let you all check it out on your own. Feel free to comment below my post and tell me what you think.

http://biologos.org/blog/when-appearances-are-deceiving/P60/

In unrelated news, the power went out in my house.

~The Piebald Penguin

Perceptions of 1 Corinthians 13

While it wasn't a traditional sermon, I would like to share my thoughts given at my friends' wedding this weekend. The pastor used 1 Corinthians 13 as the basis for his message on love and marriage. Of course, this is a common passage for ceremonies of this nature, so it wasn't the novelty of the passage that drew my attention. Rather, it was, perhaps, simply hearing it again that simply drew my attention to the last verse in the chapter. "And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love." (1 Cor. 13:13, NIV)
Taking the first sentence in conjunction with the second sentence, it seems that Paul has ordered these virtues based on their importance to the believer. And what struck me as interesting was that faith was last (well, first in the list, which would mean that it was relative to the least greatest). I understand that all three are essential qualities, but I feel like some believers put them out of order. In my experience, when someone goes through a difficult time, there are many Christians who will encourage this believer to "have more faith". My thought is, perhaps we should be encouraging him to have more love as well?

Silence

With a sickening crunch, they hammered into one another. Metal and rubber screeched in agony, like a bird felled from the sky with an arrow. The two had become one as the glass shattered and skittered across the earth. Spinning wildly, madly, the stressed joints screamed as one with a voice as loud as the roaring of the great waterfalls. The asphalt was torn asunder as the ungainly beast erratically skimmed and skipped and bounced across the surface. The paint was shorn off as contact with the steel rail was made. The rail bent, groaned, and snapped as the momentum carried it forward. Chaotic and insurmountable, the edge of the precipice was advanced upon, its guardian already conquered. And then, with a sudden lurch, that too was defeated. Silence reigned as the wounded beast plummeted to the welcoming earth far below. Its blood red paint, drawn at such a dreadful cost by the rail, and the destroyed pavement were all that remained, silent witnesses to the viciously swift attack. With a sickening crunch, the beast was driven into the unrelenting land. 

Silence reigned Supreme.

Measles, Mumps, and Rubella

Consumed.


I fade away.
You are there,
always close by.
Waiting, perpetually waiting
Until I come to you
and we are reunited again.


The hills are green,
the grass is soft.
We fall to the warm earth,
held in its embrace for but a moment.
In that fleeting instant,
I lose myself in your eyes,
eyes like rolling, roiling oceans.


Alas, reality pulls us apart.
Confronted by harsh lights,
bleak walls, endless routine.


My mind wanders,
and I am consumed once more.


Consumed.
We are running fast,
 fast as our feet will carry us
but why run when we can walk?
We will get to where we are going
yet we will spend more time together.
For the end of our journey
need not be something we rush towards.
For that matter, why must we move at all?
I am content in your presence and you in mine,
so let us stay here forever and ever.
Me and you, just the two. 
Alas, the bliss is shattered yet again 
by the dull, colorless monotony of reality.
Until we meet again, love, 
swim in the clouds and sing with the birds.
Wait for me.


Consumed
I run to find you 
but you are not there.


Even my dreams
mimic reality.


The flames engulf me.
I am consumed.



Sometimes I write poetry for girls. So far, it hasn't had the desired effect.