A shattered mind in a broken body fighting for survival

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Doing Sum Mathammattiks

Readers!

You get a very special treat today!

The Piebald Penguin (TPP) is going to teach you a math formula that is crooshal to understanding his lyphe.

So heere we go!! (Vroom Vroom!)

Weather + Number of hours worked during the day + (amount of sugar * amount of caffeine) / (number of hours slept the previous night) = Level of sanity

Weather { 0 = Sunny, hot, warm, tepid, muggy, humid, partly cloudy, scorching hot, really hot,etc...
             { 1 = Rain, sleet, fog, mist, sprinkling, wet (but not humid), cloudy, overcast, solar eclipse
             { 2 = Snow, blizzards, hurricanes, tornadoes, volcanoes, nucular winters, etc...

If level of sanity > 4, TPP = ADD + Random

Today, the equation looks something like this:

2 + 7 + (A decent amount * probably too much) / (3.5) = Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Can you tell????

My mommy always sayed I wuz speshal.

Note: This math formulae has been clinically tested on rats of size < 1 pretzal. Human testing hasn't not shown conclusive results.

~The PiebALD PenGuin

P.S. The double negative was unintentional....but it was too amusing to change.

P.P.S.There weren't any blizzards, hurricanes, tornadoes, volcanoes, or nuclear winters...but there was snow. :)

Friday, November 18, 2011

Poemz

I dreamed I was a man,
clad in iron chain;

A sword danced above
with rays of sun and moon.

Hands gripped metal,
and metal trod earth.

Yet I was nothing,
but a boy in bed.


~The Piebald Penguin

Friday, November 11, 2011

If You're Crazy and You Know It

While browsing for new books in a popular bookstore, I discovered a little hidden gem amongst the shelves. This gem is the section called "Paranormal Teen Romance". Yep, that's right. It's so popular it has its own section now. But here's my question: Does this imply that teen romance is or has ever been "normal"? Maybe I'm over-analyzing this, but I really can't recall knowing what "normal" romance was until I got out of my teens. Not that matters of the heart can ever be classified as normal, but at least they are more normal than teens making a go at romance. Anyways, the section is full of a certain popular vampire-human-werewolf love triangle series (among other works of undoubtedly equal literary quality).

In other news, today is 11/11/11. Which I suppose is significant. Mostly because its Veterans' Day, but I suppose some people think that today is special in some way. It amuses me to no end how we learn about the superstitions of our ancestors and dub them as fanciful or ignorant folk. Yet, after checking my Facebook newsfeed, I simply must ask the tough question: Are we so different from humans in ages past?


The World Is ENDING! Oh, wait...wrong date...


~The Piebald Penguin

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Donkeys!

It is said that there are bosses and then there managers. Or something like that. That's what this post is about tonight. Managers and bosses.

They think they're so special...just because they make lots of money and get to boss people around....but I'm not jealous, nooo


So let's start with a funny story. Day 1: Orientation. It consists of watching lame videos about the workplace and signing forms that say the company owns you until they decide to fire you. It's a lame day, but you get paid to sit there so...sign me up! Anyways, so orientation had been going on for a couple hours at the point that this story takes place. So, I was bored, a bit tired (from all the hard work...lol), and stir crazy. We were covering the employee handbook when the manager finally got to the spot in the manual where it talks about blogging about the workplace. Being the overachiever that I am, I had already glanced at the contents of the manual and read this particular rule, so it had set my mind thinking. Basically the rule states that employees of this particular establishment can get fired for posting negative things on the interwebs about the company or its employees. Ok, but it seemed like they were implying that we just couldn't explicitly say negative things. But I have an anonymous blog, in which I pour out the frustrations and joys of life. Thus, when the manager brought up this rule, I asked, in all innocence and under the assumption that orientation is a time for asking questions and being free from judgment, if this rule covered anonymous blog posts. Obviously I didn't want to get fired if I posted something on my anonymous blog that could have been construed as negative by another individual. I'm a careful person. My manager just stared at me with a look of incredulity and one of the other new employees blurted out, "What kind of a question is that?!?"

Folks, look. This is the problem with people today. They open the floor for questions, and then they judge you based on which questions you ask. The girl who couldn't keep her mouth shut asked, later on, if she was allowed to wear her hair in a side ponytail as opposed to a normal one. That's a stupid question. But the manager answered her and didn't look down on her. I ask a question because I want to clarify, what I thought to be, a murky rule, and I got looked down upon, as if anonymous blogging was something obscene. Seriously. Well, guess what? I'm going to keep it anonymous, but I'm going to vent on my blog. FREEEEEEEEEDDDOOOMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (of speech) lol

~TPP
P.S. Don't tell my boss...

Monday, October 17, 2011

College, Caffeine, and Cwork

Cwork (pronounced "Ka-work"...not "Quirk" or "See-Work")

I had to add a "C" to work so that my title would alliterate well, but I assure you, Cwork is just as fun as real work. A coworker had a wedding on Saturday, so a lot of the employees who had been there for a number of years sent in time-off requests. As a result, The Piebald Penguin had the privilege of working his first double shift at this job. 10 am - 10 pm. It was a long day with very few breaks, and I was exceptionally tired at the end. Still, you won't here me complain about it because I made a decent amount of money.

Caffeine

The main focus of this post will be on the legal drug known as caffeine. A stimulant that affects the central nervous system, caffeine increases a person's alertness and helps fight many of the common side effects caused by sleep deprivation. According to Wikipedia, roughly 90% of Americans consume caffeine, in one form or another, daily. We are a culture built around pushing ourselves to the limits. Some societies have developed other ways to combat fatigue, such as the mid-afternoon siestas in Spain, but citizens of the United States of America could never settle for such a slow lifestyle. I bring up caffeine because that is certainly how I had the strength to get through 12 hours of non-stop action at work. I don't have the luxury of sitting in a chair at work, nor do we even get a lunch break to stop and breathe. Once I clock in, it's go, go, go until the end. Still, my job is not mentally taxing, giving me plenty of time to ponder the great mysteries of life. The one that I mulled over in my mind that night was one that I think about on occasion...

College

That mystery has been with me since college. It's this: what is the purpose of college? See, for me, college played a vital role in my life, but not because I got a piece of paper at the end of 4 years saying that I can add, subtract, integrate and confound lesser men with my skills in logic. Rather, college forced me to develop a keen sense of what my body can and cannot do. It's a well-documented fact that the human body has limits. In college, I witness a good number of people who pushed those limits every single day. And you could tell by simply gazing at their worn, haggard faces and their slumped shoulders. You could tell that each step was a nightmare, each second passed even more painstakingly than the last. Then, there were others who shied away from pushing their bodies at all. They would complain that 10pm was their strict bedtime. A slight disruption in their eating schedule made them cranky and unbearable.

The former person obviously lives an unhealthy lifestyle due to the consistent strain he places on his body. Eventually this person will actually cause permanent damage to his body and that is not desirable in any given situation. The latter individual also lives an unhealthy lifestyle. Simply put, in the likely event that this person is subjected to any amount of physical or emotional strain, said person's body will be not be prepared to handle the stress of the situation. This could easily lead to the person shutting down in the midst of a crisis, or simply being unable to focus during a test following a late night of studying.

Thus, college is an important time in anyone's life. It should teach him how to handle stress. How to push his body to the limits, but also how to rest, relax, and let the worries of the world fall harmlessly at his feet. For me, I found a place of balance. I learned what my normal limits were, and I learned what I could do with stimulants, such as caffeine and sugar. I also learned how much rest I needed after pushing my body passed the norm, and I sincerely believe that this was one of the greatest lessons that I learned in college. Because this lesson is one that I can apply to the rest of my life.

I bet this guy regretted not having that cup of coffee...


As the seasons change, life changes too. Sit back, relax, and enjoy.  = )
~TPP

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Things That Don't Go Well Together

1. Calculus and Spelling

This is from a test revision sheet typed up by a math professor

2. Algebra and English

Luann - Greg Evans, 25 September 2011

3. Sippy Cups and a Disney Princess's Waistline

Seriously?!?
4. The Piebald Penguin and Lots of Alcohol

                                                                                Sorry, no pictures...

Stay Cool, Stay Fresh, and Most Importantly, Don't Forget to Capitalize.
~The Piebald Penguin

Sunday, September 25, 2011

This Post Needs a Title

Awesome.



The Piebald Penguin has been very very busy...ok maybe I should add another very in there. I got a job, finally. But I think that's old news. Still, after two weeks on the job, I can say with confidence that I am enjoying it. It's tiring and soreness-inducing, but other than that, I actually like it. Which is weird because you would think that I wouldn't like it, being that it's one of those jobs that you would think would be hated by all. I'm a busser at a popular restaurant. I won't say which one. And yes, I enjoy it. I have fun knowing that I help my restaurant make money. I've always been a behind-the-scenes kind of guy. It brings me pleasure to know that I keep things running and no one even notices me...at least, none of the customers notice me. I know I'm invisible to them. It works out better that way. The servers are all getting to know me though. They say nice things to me and nice things about me to the managers. Apparently it's unusual for someone of my...skin color...to be a good busser. That makes me laugh. I do love breaking stereotypes. :)

It's "fast paced" but that just gives me more energy. I probably end up walking several miles each night, but again, it's a thrill. It's a pleasant change from the quiet order of a library. Controlled chaos. Pure bliss. I'm constantly amazed how well the system works. Everything just runs. People do their jobs, tables get cleaned, customers get seated, get their drinks, get their food, get gone (sorry, I couldn't resist) and then the tables get cleaned again. The cogs fit together seamlessly. You'd think that with 20 people going every which way at any given minute there would be more accidents and craziness. But that's where you'd be wrong. So, yeah. I enjoy it. Maybe I'll become a server someday, but maybe not.

Also, I had a nice little chat with one of the pretty waitresses at my restaurant today (Seriously, they're all attractive...sometimes I think I've died and gone to heaven...) Anyways....it wasn't anything game changing, but it did make me a little happier inside. Yep. That's my post for the week. Sorry, I haven't been able to blog more. I'm still getting used to the hours. Hopefully I'll be able to find more time.

~The Piebald Penguin